At a crowded bar on a Saturday night. Look outside where there's light. Fat man with baby. Balding chubby man a couple of feet in front of fat man with baby. Making funny faces, accompanied by what seem like funny noises to make baby smile, because maybe if baby smiles, the skies will open and shower delectable virgin maidens trained in blowjobs, on balding chubby man making funny faces and noises. Baby is unmoved, so balding chubby man resorts to patting baby's back and rubbing it vigorously in a circular fashion, probably to make baby burp, so baby is surprised and embarrassed at the same time and, thus pushed to the brink, has no choice but to smile, and in doing so, temporarily restore balding chubby man's balder sex life.

Incapable of being a mute witness to child abuse, I turn around and look for my rum. Instead of finding the poison, spot the well-heeled middle-aged man standing at the next table, repeating circular rubbing action on a young sophisticated woman's scantily clad back.

The young sophisticated woman, burps. None of them smiles.